It was the Autumn of 2007 , when I first felt a pinching pain in my lower back . The pain soon spread to pelvic joints and before I could realize , I was limping . The pain slowed me down in daily activities and finally one day my walking. It was somehow registered so strongly in my mind, that I would not even stand properly thinking one wrong footfall might invoke the demon.
I was in one of the most coveted jobs in the country , may be I should not even call it a job, it was indeed a dream. The schedule demanded extreme levels of physical fitness , so I kept ignoring the pain and took strong painkillers. I was not destined to stop , I was not destined to be defeated. The ego inside me never made me disclose this fact to any one , even my parents. Yes, I conquered it and the pain almost became a part of my body. Then after a long, gruesome and painful wait of 4 months , I had my vacations lined up. I came back home and everything was going well. My mom saw me and kept asking me , If all was ok . May be she could see the real pain in my eyes. I tried to convince her and finally hit my bed after dodging any direct eye contact with her.
The next morning was very different from what I expected on that chilly winter morning . Temperature was well below 10 degrees. My dad came to the room , and just like the old days , took away the quilt to wake me up . And just like the old days , I reacted . But the reaction this time was limited to my facial expressions.
I had no control on my legs , I just could not move them. I thought it was the cold or may be the pain killer , I took secretly the previous night. It was as if , My lower body was nailed to the bed. I turned pale, my father immediately realized and tried to check. I moved , but the demon had grown beyond my expectations. The sheer pain that day , was almost as If I had been shot. This was the start of my affair with something called as Anklyosing Spondylitis (yeah , I know it sounds German). After all , I never settled for something less complicated in life , then why this. :)
I had numerous consultations, was diagnosed from slip disk to sacrolitis to even Spine TB. But the Satan was still there and I had no relief. I lost my job, my dream as I told. It's altogether a different story , let's not get there.The whole ordeal made me weak day by day, I started losing on confidence and became an introvert, what I had never been. I had finally succumbed to the intense mental pressure that It gave me. I started working again and the pain clung on me like a parasite, sucking away my energy and happiness. This is a very funny disorder really , the actual episode of pain comes early morning between 4-6 am , stops at sunrise , and that's one of the main reasons , I feel it is actually a demon. Any ways , days went by and then years , I kept going , somehow the fighting spirit inside me was strong enough. Everyday , every morning , I would just moan in pain , standing , sleeping , sitting , stretching , nothing would bring it down. But I swallowed it all and finally got a doctor who understood and diagnosed me correctly. To me , he was almost the holy priest who was sent from Vatican to exorcise the demon. He controlled it with some good medicines, and the suggested exercises. But by this time , the damage had been done . My eyes were hit because of the inflammation (Strange that something in the back can make do that but yes its true). It took a toll on my tummy also, and I recently went through an operation.
But now , on this day when I am writing this , I am doing much better . I run , go to gym (occasionally) and enjoy riding my enfield. Whenever I counter this pain , I hit back with a controlled schedule of yoga, meditation and exercises. The more it attacks , the more I do in return to retaliate. It's more of a psychological battle everyday , because the pain brings me down in confidence. It forces me to go back, but I keep pushing myself every second , in every step that I take ,in every word that I speak and in every thought that comes to my mind. I am highly grateful to the almighty , for keeping that light of hope inside my heart always. Whenever I start giving up or complain , he gives those clues which bring me back.
If you have read till this point , the objective was not to tell you about my pain and suffering but to spread awareness about this rare disorder. I finally gathered courage to write it down , as It might help somebody, somewhere , someday....
Let me put down the symptoms which might occur :
1. Starts with a pinching pain in the pelvic joints/lower back.
2. Shifts suddenly to the other side of the joint in a month or so. (duration might vary)
3. You can't lie down flat on your back
4. Early morning stiffness to the point , that you cant even turn or bend or even stand straight.
5. Uveitis (Simply put , extreme redness of eye) . Might be severe and impair your vision for few days.
6. All these symptoms would happen over a period of time and it would be difficult to establish a connection. In most cases , it takes a lot of time to actually confirm that these are because of the disorder.
What you should do ,If you have these symptoms :
1. Get HLA-B27 test done. (That's the real culprit , some gene thing)
2. If positive, go to a rheumatologist or a trusted Orthopaedic doctor or a Spine specialist.
3. Don't hide your pain or start living with it by taking painkillers.
4. Last but not the least , ask me , I might help.
Take care !
“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.”
